Looking Back

Let's take a look back on my life & when Jesus picked up my heart & changed me.

(Pun intended)

I know. What's up with Cassidy? She's not who she used to be. Well, you got that right. I'm not who I used to be...but isn't that the point?

For so long in my life, I tried to fill an empty void. It started with my first boyfriend. That relationship wasn't #satisfying. Then the desire to fill that void only grew, and turned into partying. That lifestyle wasn't #meaningful. Then I got a great job making lots of money. The money wasn't #enough. Are you starting to see the trend?

I grew up going to a non denominational church. I would attend both services, my mom sang on the praise team, and my siblings were involved in the youth band at the time. I was a rebellious, stubborn, angry teenager. I had many fragments of knowledge about God, and what He did for everyone...But my heart was still the same. Hardened.

#Lookingback through the beginning of my college years, I can see where God was protecting me from danger, and softening my heart; preparing my heart to receive Him. One of those ways is with children. If you know me, you know that I love working with kids. I like to think they have fun time with me too. Another way God showed me His character, is the way he has moved in my family. It was obvious the way God was working in one of my younger brothers and baby sister (she's 17 now, but will always be the baby). I was starting to look up to them and their zeal for God. I had always wanted to change, but I didn't think it was possible.

God's love was becoming evidential to me in a way I had never experienced.

Summer of 2017 was one I will never forget. I was living at the beach away from my normal environment, and God was pursuing me. Throughout the summer, thoughts of my life and Christ would shoot through my head. Coming out of left field, "Do you want to live a life that glorifies God?" The answer was yes. "Do you want a marriage the glorifies God?" The answer was yes.

Towards the end of the summer, I was headed home for a visit. I wanted to worship on the way home, so I looked up my brother's "Hype In the Mug Praise" playlist on Spotify and got to praisin'. During that time God was speaking to me to so clearly. "Cassidy, you are loved," "Cassidy, you are my daughter." Lemme tell y'all, the presence of the Lord was in that car.

Long story short, when I arrived at my parent's house, I knew I was coming to a crossroads. Sure enough, that crossroads hit me smack dab in the face the next day. Will I receive what God wants to give me, and then serve Him?...or will I continue this life of unsatisfying relationships, living meaningless, and settling for what the world says I need?

God was holding my heart, ready to do a work in me; at a cost that was already paid for. How could I say no?

I realized, I don't have to change for God to love me. He picked me up, He called me His own.

Ezekiel 36:26 And I will #give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and #give you a heart of flesh.

There is nothing I can change to make God love me more or less. He is the giver, I am the receiver. God showed me many of the things that were keeping me from receiving what he wanted to give me. God continues to show me new things that are keeping me from receiving new gifts He wants to give.

Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who #began a good work in you will bring it to #completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Christ has begun a work in me, but He's not finished with me yet. So, what's up with Cassidy? She's not who she used to be. And that's the point.

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I could go on and on about how God has changed my heart. Stayed tuned for follow up posts about transitioning to living life with a purpose and what my walk with Christ looks like now!

Check out this song that inspired me to write this post:

#satisfaction #meaning #give #lookingback #newcreation

Photo by: Hayden Baucom, Instagram: @hbaucom_photography